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The page of quick movie reviews, which, in terms of the number of characters used, are in length shorter than or equal to the title of the very page within which said movie reviews are contained.

May 25
Blacula
Didn't catch much. Dracula creates Blacula, who wreaks havoc on citizens of the 70s and beds a seeming reincarnation of his wife.

Slaughterhouse-Five
Quite good conversion of samely named book. Similar to Catch-22 in that things don't happen in chronological order, but on a much grander scale. Makes for interesting editing.

May 26
Soylent Green
Good classic sci-fi flick with a bleak future 70s. Only big minus is the thieving, chauvinistic, ass, brutal, cop Charlton Heston protagonist.

Dunno about dates of next few ones. HSPD might be 26 or 27, I remember watching quite a few that weekend.

Hot Shots! Part Deux
Nice sequel, good spoof flick. And Ryan Stiles to boot.

Blazing Saddles
Yet more 70s. Good Mel Brooks film. Add one to the list of semi-western things I like.

Executioners
Dim future, superhuman martial arts, dismemberment, exploding people, fish with legs, Michael Jackson-alikes, government corruption, church destruction... and yet unspectacular.

June 3
Time Travelers
Dull-as-mud 70s TV pilotish flick, commercial segmented breaks and all. Blame Rod Serling & Irwin Allen. ---Forgot about this thing until August 10. Surely forgotten some of what I saw, and can remember less about each. Luckily, these are shorty short reviews.---

July 10, methinks.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
Slightly off lips, non-developed Deep Eyes, and Grey Affleck, but the best movie of a game series I've seen yet.

July 20, methinks.
Jurassic Park III
CG advanced enough to look like cheap plastic. Nothing new. Tea Leoni annoying. I miss Jeff Goldblum.

The Fast and the Furious
Not really my bag, but not horrible. Cars go vroom fast and things happen.

Sometime between June 3 and August 10
Scarface
Snortin', shootin', workin', shootin'. Machiavelli with a machine gun.

August 12
The Inspectors 2
Only caught last half or so, but not bad. Buddy postal cops go after identify thief murderer man.

August 12 [Uhh... pretty sure I meant 19]
Princess Mononoke
Pretty groovy. Kinda like the Middle East situation, but with wolves and boars VS lepers and ex-prostitutes.

September 17 - 21 sometime, I think
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Wow. George Clooney meets comedy meets Depression-era setting meets VERY loose adaption of Homer's Odyssey, and I actually quite enjoyed it.

November 19-23?
Epoch
Generic semi-Xenogears-esque Sci-Fi blah. Guest appearances by Dr. Philip Banks.

December 10
The Christmas Box
An overworked John-Boy can't get along with his family and has a recurring dream, but then figures things out and stops disliking dying lady. Very Lifetime.

December 19
Fellowship of the Ring
Not bad at all, even for a long-ass movie. I don't remember book well enough to make complaints of transition. Gandalf is the best break-dancer the world has ever seen.

December 30
Screwed
Average-ish comedy of bungled crime and many confusing things that happen as a result. Norm MacDonald is cool as always, but Danny Devito is the job.

January 11, 2002
Legend of Drunken Master
Slow at times, but Jackie Chan makes the most loveable drunk since my grandpa and Homer Simpson.

January 12, 2002
Unbreakable
Wow. Thinking movie that had me rapt to the end. Shyamalan is el job supremo.

January 13, 2002
Ocean's Eleven
Sweet. I'm a sucker for smooth criminals.

January 18, 2002
Cast Away
Missed first sixth or so. Interesting to see Mr. Hanks bleed himself severely randomly, then go loony.

Armour of God
Definitely no Operation Condor, but still a few awesomities like fighting dominatrices and Jackie Chan singing English. And the Dark Ages predate Christ? Riiight.

January 20, 2002
Crocodile Dundee II
Didn't like as much as the first, but it's good time filler. It's like Home Alone meets Scarface meets... well, Crocodile Dundee.

Review #25:
January 25, 2002
Martial Arts in the Movies
Too much material to fully learn, and spoiled parts of movies I haven't seen yet, but interesting historical look, plus tres clips, times Sam Jackson.

January 28, 2002
Rush Hour 2
A sequel on par with the original, but with a noticeably bigger budget. Chris Tucker should give Elmo his voice back, though.

February 7, 2002
The Seventh Seal
Serious, yet plenty of funny, strange, and "the hell?" moments. Death is almost as cool as in Bogus Journey. If the movie needs anything, it's more pants.

The Road to Galveston
Hallmark movie, and expectedly sappy. Old lady fights inevitability --> taking care of other Alzheimer's inflicted old ladies, and then they all get happy. The end.

February 21, 2002
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Several tear-wellingly silly things, and tres ineptness by individuals, governments, and military throughout, but compared to other 50s sci-fi fare, quite decent. Small appearance by Aunt Bea.

February 22, 2002
Rat Race
Many characters allowed for many types of funny, as well as quick scene changes going from punch to punch. Better than I expected.

March 3, 2002
Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds In Love
Stupidly semi-entertaining at times way to spend a couple hours. The definitive Booger movie.

March 8, 2002
Evolution
One-dimensional characters and a tad of product placement. Not excellent, but a reminder that there exists categories beyond that of Nerds IV.

The Animal
Standard Happy Madison fare, but this time with Selphie, and slightly more than usual animal sex jokes.

March 10, 2002
Dogma
Religion is a screwed up thing, and God is crazy and stuck up. Add a skewed view and lack of taking itself seriously, and up my thumb.

March 16, 2002
Godzilla VS King Ghidorah
Early 90s Godzilla time travel flick. Bungles time travel and special effects, but cool in its own "Godzilla Part 59" context. Run, M-11, run!

April 11, 2002
Artemisia
French movie, subtitled, 1600s Italy, girl painter, nudity and sex.

April 25, 2002
Men With Guns
Southern American nation's army and guerilla fighters royally screw up the lives of everyone and their brother. Plus, Oblivious American Tourists.

May 16, 2002
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Bad love story and a bit slow at points, but has its really smashing points. New (and old) revelations and information add spice to the rest of the series.

May 18, 2002, early AM
Time Runner
Mark Hamill accidentally time travels to 1992 to save the future. Assisted in his deathly dangerous doings by an alien gal and a RANDOM GUY THEY RUN INTO, WHICH ROCKS. Very MSTable.

May 20, 2002, early AM
Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Nice training flick for those planning to get cornered by the undead. The main tip: DON'T.

May 23, 2002, early AM
Zoolander
Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, plenty of celebrity cameos, groovy music, but most importantly it was actually very funny. Definite thumbs up.

May 23, 2002
Scream, Blacula, Scream!
Blacula's back, and he's still the same hep cat. Never sure whether to root for or against this man. Same strangeness as the original.

May 24, 2002
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Similar, yet different. Seemed older than '68. Less graphic, less effects, bigger music, less budget, less scary.

May 25, 2002
Moulin Rouge!
Weirdos including normal men turned fat or short sing anachronistically and near-constantly in century-ago Paris. 100% flashy. Interesting.

May 30, 2002
Twelve Monkeys
Gilliam + Willis + Pitt = enjoyable weirdass apoco-time-fi mind-messing movie.

June 6, 2002
Chasing Amy
Comic book authors of varied genders and sexualities talk about crazy stuff and broaden their horizons. I want "White-Hatin' Coon".

Fight Club
Some guys find themselves and decide to turn the world on its ass. If you hope to watch the movie, I hope you don't mind a bit of violence. AND MEAT LOAF.

June 8, 2002, early AM
Dawn of the Dead
Sadder, slightly less frightening (than Night '90), and a warning about anarchistic uncooperation. Easily a better survival guide than the first. SO outgores Fight Club.

June 10, 2002
Mallrats
This movie is all about the trivial, and it does that very well. Still, I think I prefer the other Smith films I've seen.

Review #50:
Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy
While the movie had its moments, it was unfortunately quite dull. Watch more of the TV show instead.

June 11, 2002, early AM
Day of the Dead
Wow. What gore there was was gratuitous. The rest, though, I really love. Again just enough of the same, but plenty to be its own beast. My favorite of the series yet.

June 18, 2002
Osmosis Jones
Concept that anyone can think of, plus mostly being uninspired = not too great. Bill Murray + Chris Elliot = good nasty slobs.

June 20, 2002, early AM
Demon City Shinjuku
Bleh-ish anime that mostly went for gore and language. Accents applied to the dubbed people don't do it for me. Mephisto, though, is the job.

June 22, 2002, early AM
The Last Starfighter
Quite 80s. Very nice CG for its time. I think it successfully accomplishes what it aimed to. Might've loved it a decade back.

June 27, 2002, early AM
Joe Dirt
The dumb person's dumb movie. 10% good, most of which is just the way Dennis Miller is.

July 5, 2002
Shrek
Nifto CG movie for any age, except maybe crotchety old. Fairy tale parody abound, and *gasp* decent CG lip work!? Not FF:TSW realistic, but it didn't try or want to be.

July 13, 2002
Re-Animator
Flat characters you won't be caring about update for you a Lovecraft tale where medical school profs and students + serum that reanimates recently dead flesh = creepily kinky zombie film.

September 13, 2002
Citizen Kane
Flawed tycoon makes good. And bad. At least a mark. Great story telling; enjoyed almost more than I thought I could a serious movie thrice my age.

November 1, 2002
The Young Master
At first worried about dryness, but it had its share of action and laughs. The best Jackie Chan movie I've seen of those old enough that he didn't dub his own voice.

November 10, 2002
Spider-Man
Not a prior Spidey fan, but I quite enjoy this live-action adaption. Some stretching of my disbelief suspension, but hey. Tobey Maguire continues to embody Joe Likeable.

December 5, 2002
The Winter Guest
Boring and mostly unlikeable Scotsmen and Scotswomen of different ages go about their day and argue.

December 14, 2002
Star Trek: Nemesis
The tenth Trek is truly a tale of twos. Really, though, what I like about TNG, plus extra action, humor, surprises, everything. One of the better two TNG flicks.

December 23, 2002
Bowling for Columbine
If you know Mike Moore's previous work, it's pretty much what you'd expect from him in a gun film. Anger, humor, frustration, success, evasion, and convincing. A few clashing points, though.

December 25, 2002
Lilo & Stitch
Big-nosed Hawaiians and aliens basically get crapped on repeatedly, but things work out in the end, of course. E.T. meets Gremlins meets modern Disney.

Ocean's Eleven (1960)
A very different movie than the remake. For the worse, in my opinion, but I wouldn't have been this movie's target audience. Sammy Davis Jr. is still the job, though.

January 4, 2003
Young Tiger
JC plays a role he'd normally beat up, a gangster with a mole the size of a leech. This movie and good are mutually exclusive. Without long MST3K training I'd have never made it through.

Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
Quite quite nice and wondrous. Accessible to a large audience without being too stupid or patronizing. Long, and some un-seamless digital effects, but hey. Thumb up.

2001: A Space Travesty
A bit weaker and more tired, but yes, it's basically Naked Gun in space.

January 12, 2003
Collision Course
Better in theory than execution. 40% unexciting CIA happenings, 40% light self-parody by the Irwins, 20% collision. Still, a concept unique enough I'm glad it exists. Best actor: Sui.

February 1, 2003
Killer Bees
Utterly generic and predictable "monster" movie about a swarm of poor special effects--I mean, killer bees, doling out death in a small Oregon town.
[A movie so "buh", I can't even find it in IMDB's records.]

February 2, 2003
Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf
Dracula turns Shaggy into a werewolf, so he, Scooby, Scrappy, and his doting girlfriend have to win a race to turn him back to normal. Utterly blah, very 80s cartoon humor and animation.

February 12, 2003
Casablanca
Like a cool dramatic wartime Cheers. So many times parodied that if it were new now, it would seem like a giant cliché. But yeah, I liked it. Not at Aram Fingal levels, but hey.

February 20, 2003
Notorious
When Cary Grant's face isn't sexing Ingrid Bergman's face and vice-versa, they're getting mixed up with evil German forces. Uneventful, though, so it didn't hold my interest.

March 7, 2003
Sabrina
Mostly-predictable old romantic comedy, but still enjoyable and funny. Humpy remains the job.

Review #75:
March 8, 2003
THX 1138
Slow-starting and confusing movie in a dystopian world just about anyone could think of if they know the definition.

March 19, 2003
The African Queen
WW1-era hick Humpy puts up with religious war whore Hepburn on a steamboat trip. If I could edit out 80% of it, I could have the most bizarre short film ever. As is, kinda meh.

March 24, 2003
Pulp Fiction
Take Seinfeld and add guns, drugs, harsher language, and more big name stars, and you've got this wacky awesome flick.

April 7, 2003
Jackie Chan: My Stunts
Clips from movies, visiting of the sets, checking out the stuntmen's practice areas and techniques. Informative about the amazing work these guys do. They could teach Timex a thing or two.

April 9, 2003
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai
Meh. The comedic possibilities inherent with a group of world hero scientist musicians was totally not used to its fullest potential.

April 10, 2003
The Producers
Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder, Adolf Hitler. One is not like the others, but the combination works well enough.

The Closet
A subtitled depressed French guy reluctantly fakes homosexuality to keep his job. Hilarity ensues, as do prejudices.

April 12, 2003
Anger Management
It has plenty of funny bits, but this is the type of movie where they make you empathize with the main character, and then totally screw around with him.

April 19, 2003
Metropolis
Bulbous "kiddy" character designs meet gritty futuristic city. The themes of rights and love were nothing new, but they always tug at me hard.

April 21, 2003
Moon Over Parador
Dictator dies, actor takes over, hilarity ensues. Not many surprises, but a fun enough time filler.

May-ish 2003, two separate days in class
Bread and Roses
Illegal immigrant janitors try to unionize, with the aid of a guy who looks like Screech. Company abuse, strike, union rallies, yada yada yada.

May 14, 2003
The Matrix Reloaded
I worried it'd be just action building from the original's premise. However, the ideas were furthered along just as much. Some slow and weird parts, but overall awesome.

May 22, 2003
The One
It's like Jet Li borrowed the Matrix costume and special effects crew for a week. A multiverse tale where surprisingly little happens, and what does doesn't make sense. Bleh.

May 31, 2003
The Shining
Book adaptation that lost some in the translation, but gained some bad acting and good cinematography. Still not a bad watch, though. Jack Nicholson as himself.

June 3, 2003, early AM
Blow Out
Tense tale of a sound effects man turned investigative journalist when the proper situation arises. A good ride.

June 6, 2003, early AM
Ringu
Deadly tape gets uncrossed couple investigating. Good detectiveness ensues.

The Ring
It's like Ringu, but with characters that look more like me, more childish main characters, some bizarre backstory changes, and both less mystical and logical.

June 8, 2003
Goldmember
A lot of rehash? Yes, but some super fine rehash that kicks everything up to another level. More smiles and laughs than I was expecting.

June 10, 2003, early AM
Timestalkers
30% western, 20% sci-fi, 20% mystery, 30% cheese. Folks use time travel ineffectively to try and stop another time traveler. Chock full of minor stars. Made for TV, and you can tell.

June 13, 2003, early AM
The Time Machine (2002)
Compared to the older movie it has more emotion, action, theory, and basically is more satisfying.

June 14, 2003
The Dead Zone
Christopher Walken goes into a coma, turns psychic, and tries to make the best of it. Thoroughly enjoyed. Haven't read the book.

June 23, 2003, early AM
Highlander III
Quite similar in structure to the first one. Less Queen-y. A quite nasty villain. But it felt like I'd been there before.

June 24, 2003, early AM
Flatliners
Creepy movie of med students flirting with death to study it, and the consequences of their doings.

June 28, 2003, early AM
The Prophecy
Awesome concept, well-done execution. Like an episode of X-Files on steroids. Christopher Walken is perfect.

June 29, 2003, early AM
The Point Men
Utterly generic tale of terrorist attempting revenge on the group who's been after him.

Review #100:

July 4, 2003
Vampires: Los Muertos
Missed chunks due to satellite outages, but seemed watchable enough for a vampire movie starring Jon Bon Jovie and Eddie Winslow. Generic "vampire repression serum" in play, though.

July 6, 2003, early AM
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Basically like a 2 hour long episode of the show, but with less censorship and more music.

July 7, 2003, early AM
Undercover Brother
A bit stupid, but only as much as it wanted to be. Expect it, and there are some good laughs. Generic EXTREME BLACK/WHITE STEREOTYPE COMPARISON based humor, though.

July 13, 2003, early AM
The Last Man on Earth
A bit of cheese, but for the most part a really creepy atmospheric movie. Man versus world of vampires, not dissimilar to the basic concept of Romero's Dead flicks.

July 13, 2003
28 Days Later...
Again quite similar to Romero's Dead movies, but less paranormal, more brutal, and more of a traveling adventure. A good watch, but then, I love the genre.

August 5, 2003
RKO 281
A movie about the making of a movie, and the politicing done in attempts to kill it. Interesting.

August 12, 2003
Ice Age
Meh. Another generic animation with an unlikely group of animals overcoming their differences and becoming great friends, voiced by celebrities. Quite nice technically.

August 21, 2003, early AM
Dracula: Dead and Loving It
How does one manage to have both Mel Brooks and Leslie Nielsen in a movie and have it turn out disappointingly mediocre? Watch this movie to find out.

August 22, 2003
Chicago
Cinematographically, choreographically, theatrically satisfying. Only a few parts seemed to really get beyond the usual musical "make everything a song" approach, though.

September 7, 2003
Lupin III Episode: 0, The First Contact
Rockin'. It's like the goodness of the best episodes of the show, but with quadruple the length and apparent production values.

September 11, 2003
Buena Vista Social Club
Boring-ass documentary about old Cuban musicians. Music started out interesting, but soon it all sounded the same. Watch Fidel's beard grow instead.

September 18, 2003
Amélie
French and beautiful. A tale of introverted dreamers trying to figure out and improve themselves, each other, and those around them. Likeable, identifiable characters. Thumb way up!

October 5, 2003, early AM
Beyond Re-Animator
Actually really enjoyed it for a B-movie sequel. Kid hurt by the mad scientist's work becomes a doctor to years later team up with him in prison to continue the experiments. Hilarity ensues.

October 15, 2003
The Lady Killers
Old British comedy in which Alec Guinness is head of a group of thieves trying to deal with an old lady used in their scheme. Barely entertaining and a bit creepy overall.

October 19, 2003
Reefer Madness
Quality makes it hard to see and hear, and it's quite misinformative about cigarettes, alcohol, and marihuana. More like aphrodisiac madness. But hey, you'll laugh with and at it.

October 23, 2003
Adam's Rib
A husband and wife go at each other as attorneys and spouses. The feminism was taken TOO far at points, but here's an old comedy that actually still contained plenty of good laughs.

October 25, 2003
2 Fast 2 Furious
Someone said "Let's see how much car action and slang we can get on screen, and fill the rest with women and 'humor'.", so they made this movie. Plot just strings it together. Not my thing.

October 31, 2003
Omega Doom
In a humanless future, robots fight at a ruined amusement park in a vaguely Highlander-without-tissue way. Awesomely awful production values, but other than enjoying that, not very good.

November 1, 2003, early AM
Shadow of the Vampire
Quite interesting and entertaining historical fiction. Basically, what if the actor of the vampire from Nosferatu was actually a vampire?

November 1, 2003
Highlander: Endgame
Some laughably goofy parts. Switches centuries every time you turn around. The motivation of the characters seems questionable. Clean-cut villain. Basically, a disappointment.

November 5, 2003
The Matrix Revolutions
Anti-Reloaded. Interesting slow parts, focus on real world, grittier weaker less balletic action scenes, awesome choral music, and didn't add any super mind-jobs. Disappointing.

November 12, 2003
A Passage to India
Toooooo loooooong and too unpredictably meandering movie basically of race relations in century-ago India.

November 15, 2003
Comedian
Interesting documentary. See the process of crafting a stand-up act through the shoes of the successful veteran, and the not-as-successful up-and-comer.

November 19, 2003
Monsoon Wedding
My well-attended well-proportioned Indian wedding. A multitude of familial and romancial things go on during the ceremonies of an arranged marriage. And the soundtrock rocks.

True Vengeance
Ex-assassin/protective father VS Yakuza. Daniel Bernhardt must've killed a hundred folks in this sillily over-the-top guilty pleasure. If there were super-violent MST3K, this would be a gem.

Review #125:

November 22, 2003
Looney Tunes: Back in Action
A bit like a WB-only Roger Rabbit. However, since it comes across as actually entertaining and joyously self-referential, the toon apartheid is acceptably ignorable. A pleasant surprise.

December 15, 2003, early AM
2010
Premise is still confusing, and there are still trippy parts... but this space movie is much more down-to-earth and watchable. Interesting future of barely evolved 80s technology and politics.

December 16, 2003
Logan's Run
Often hard to tell what Logan's motivation was... but another interesting future 70s utopia/dystopia, where 30 really is over the hill.

March 6, 2004
Book of Days
Christiany, but still good. Grieving insurance salesman gets a book telling when people will die, and attempts to use it for good. Of course good, bad, and ugly all happen.

March 12, 2004
Wilson
Pretty boring biopic, and hard to keep track of how much time is passing. The focus on the importance of the League of Nations almost made this seem like a pro-UN propaganda piece.

April 9, 2004
The Day Reagan Was Shot
The events themselves portrayed in the movie were quite interesting and shocking if accurate. However, the execution was lacking; most of it would've worked as well in documentary form.

April 15, 2004
The Cradle Will Rock
This tale tried weaving several dozen characters into a sort of tale about workers' rights, communism fears, and the theater. A movie can only go so far, so things felt spread thin.

Mid-May, 2004
My Fellow Americans
"Buddy cop"/road trip movie... except with ex-Presidents from opposing parties. As with so many movies it was entertaining, but not outstanding.

May 24, 2004
Mr. Baseball
"Loser sports team gets good" movie and "fish out of water" movie had a baby and this is it. Not amazing, but it was a fun way to pass the time.

May 28, 2004
The Pianist
Wladyslaw is a pianist. Or as I called him, The Luckiest Jew in Warsaw. He narrowly escapes death ten times, but generally has a shitty early 40s. The shittiness was brought to screen well.

Donnie Darko
The movie was entertaining... but so freaky-deaky bizarre that I'm not sure what was going on half the time. +1 for BTTF reference.

May 29, 2004
Death to Smoochy
Interesting concept: the twisted world behind children's television. Execution was slapdash, so the good chunks floated amongst the duller chunks.

June 8, 2004
Madame Bovary (1949)
Young woman has aspirations. Life doesn't meet them, so she gets bitchy and tries to please herself at the expense of others. Typically overacted for its time.

June 11, 2004
Triumph of the Will
Quickly repetitive and thus boring speeches and imagery, but a valiant propogandaic effort to make Nazi Germany look more divinely inspired than possessed.

June 12, 2004
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Compared to the others it seemed... less of everything, except special effects. Loved the "early" military weaponry, though. There were even a few good laughs; many self-referential.

June 18, 2004
Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
Passable post-apocalyptic pro-environment adventure. Nifty plant and animal designs.

June 20, 2004
Signs
Captures perfectly a family dealing with ultimate bizareness on a growing level. I heart teh Shyamalan.

June 24, 2004
The Guru
Mostly-predictable fish-out-of-water/lie-stacking up flick. However, that didn't prevent it from causing many smiles.

The Big One
Unfocused. Moore goes on book tour, speaks, and bitches at corporations when given the chance. Would've worked better split up as TV segments. Not bad, just more of the same and nothing new.